Disclaimer:
These are not the opinions of my employer, AWS, and the only purpose of this newsletter is to share, learn through sharing, and foster some honest discourse in the community at large.
Back for a second go at the keyboard. As stated in Episode #1 - gonna take me some time to find my groove.
A podcast I am listening to:
Neil Pasricha: Happy Habits [The Knowledge Project Ep. #72]: https://fs.blog/neil-pasricha/
I have listened to The Knowledge Project for over a year and have listened to many older episodes. I admit to learning a few things around management, relationships, being a parent and now this one on being happy.
Happiness is a state and for the most part, you need to choose to be happy.
Of course, I am not saying life won’t throw you some bad days, bad weeks, or even bad years, but regardless - you have to decide what you want to feel when you wake up. I will also add that I am not commenting on people with depression or a chemical imbalance since that is not something I can tackle. My view is that from the moment you get up, you have to decide to be happy, have a positive outlook, and do your best not to let life throw you off track.
I will admit to living a reasonably listless life after my divorce and rebuilding my life in Asia. I started over in a new part of the world and threw myself into work and a crazy travel schedule. In some sense, I got somewhere, but I wasn’t very purposeful about it. I arrived, but I am not sure I had a destination in mind.
Then I bailed on the tech life, sold my house, lots of possessions, and moved to Bangkok to study Thai. Continuing with my no-plan plan for life, I suddenly found myself owning a bar and then followed that up with a pub. One side of my Thai coin was that my career went nowhere, and I lost a lot of money. When I turn the coin over to see the other side, I see an incredible time in my life of learning, meeting lifelong friends, suffering to make a living. I learned about empathy and how to manage low-paid service workers. I learned about what service really was.
When business was as bad as it could get and I was cashing in savings bonds and unloading anything I could to pay rent. I was sure that this was the lowest point in my life and that I had totally blown five years of my peak earning capability.
I was able to get out, find a job, and move to Singapore. Now when I am having a bad day or a struggle at work, I sit back and remember begging for time to pay rent or using my rainy day fund to pay salaries. As I simmer in these memories, a knot in my stomach returns to remind me that what I have now is fantastic.
And special - and that I have every reason to be happy.
Dredge any old cliche out of your memory bank that you want to use, but without a doubt, the low times will remind you how good you have it now. Each morning when I see my 1-year-old wake-up, and the first thing she does is smile, I tell myself to choose happiness. No one is gonna do it for you.
A lesson learned:
If you completely stay off of social media, you might have missed all the technocrats weighing in on work-life balance, how much is too much work, and all the work hustle-porn memes.
I don't have an answer, but I will push an agenda that this is a very personal thing to figure out.
Example:
and:
Follow the threads to find various sides of the argument. From yes, you must work all the time, to there is a hack for it, to suggestions that you have to have a gig that delivers the work-life balance to you on a silver platter. I tend to subscribe to the, there is no such thing as work-life balance since it will never perfectly balance.
Back to that podcast for this concept:
It’s not work life balance, it’s a flywheel. The more energy you pour into either side of your life, the faster and more energy you can pour into the rest. I found that model so inspiring I was already doing that without knowing that that was a thing. I was always under the mistaken assumption that they were trade offs rather than a pie that constantly grows with maximum energy and no limits with it’s potential.
You will need to figure this one out on your own. Looking at others, reading books, and checking in on all the hustle-porn isn’t the answer. My first gig had me on a plane going around the globe about 80% of the time. It seemed impressive to me - airplanes, miles, hotels, good food, and friends around the world. But looking back, my relationships suffered, and I think I was tired, but I will admit those were some of the best earnings years ever, and yes - my options hit the jackpot. Nothing since then has equaled it.
Was I successful because of the hours? Was I just lucky? Was it the right place at the right time? I don’t know, but having my first startup experience be so amazing and lucrative kind of messed me up. Since then, none of them have been as amazing, and most have not been lucrative at all.
Remind me, or I will try and remind myself of my job decision framework I use now to decide what gig I will take.
When I look back, I actually wished I had worked more, had some side hustles, and generally focused on work, sleep, exercise, and staying close to a few good friends. I think I goofed off more than I should have, but that’s my rearview mirror, and I try not to look back much anymore and focus on the present.
I know this one doesn’t work for everyone, but for me, nothing has made me more focused than having a family. I know every moment is precious, and I have to optimize my habits to get everything in, but this is an excellent forcing function. I don’t have the time to waste, and being busy but focused works for me. I don’t always manage to pull it off. Still, my goals are pretty simple - do meaningful work that provides for my family and their future, but this leaves little time for anything else. After the sleep, the work, the family pie is sectioned off - there is only time for exercise and a few close friends.
What’s the big takeaway?
Learning to say no.
I don’t do a lot of industry events. I am not at every get-together. After work, I go home. I hit the gym during lunch or during the day that is less busy than lunch, but that’s my lunch hour either way.
Having to manage time wisely means being purposeful, saying no, and being efficient. It took me 40+ years to figure it out, and I wish I had figured this out in my 30s, but such is life.